MORE JOKES. I hope you like these too!

Laugh at these English language jokes and learn English at the same time.

1. What did the traffic lights say to the car?
Don't look now. I'm changing!

2. I have 12 legs, 12 arms and 8 heads. What am I?
A liar!

3. Why do witches have brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

4. What's the difference between Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven...
the French are the cooks
the Germans are the engineers
the British are the police
the Swiss are the managers
the Italians are the lovers

In Hell...
the British are the cooks
the French are the managers
the Italians are the engineers
the Germans are the police
the Swiss are the lovers

5. What animal can jump higher than a house?
A house can't jump!

6. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

7. What four animals does a woman need in her life?
...a mink on her back
...a jaguar in the garage
...a tiger in her bed
...and a jackass to pay for it all !!!

8. A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

9. A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts.When I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"

10. A: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
B: I think you are pretty ugly.

11. A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

ENGLISH JOKES. Have a good laugh!

Laugh at these English language jokes and learn English at the same time.

1. If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have? 3 !!!

2. If a man was born in Italy, went to America and died in San Francisco, what would he be? Dead!

3. 1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from?
2nd Eskimo: Alaska
1st Eskimo: Don't bother. I'll ask her myself.

4. Why are Saturday and Sunday strong days?

Because they are not weekdays!

5. Why can't a man living in Paris be buried in the South of France?
Because he's still living!

6. Why shouldn't you put the letter "M" into the refrigerator?
Because it turns ice into mice!

7. Which month has 28 days? All of them!

8. Why did the boy bury his flashlight?

Because the batteries were dead.

9. A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

10. There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? Two birds. The other 3 fly away!

11. Why is the letter "T" like an island?

Because it is in the middle of waTer!

12. What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!

13. What starts with "P", ends with "E", and has millions of letters?

The "Post Office"!

14. What word begins with "e", ends with "e", and has one letter? Envelope!

15. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he had no-body to go with!